Uncertainty is massively de-stabilizing to the nervous system. Us humans like predictability – which is why we like to categorize people, by their job, marital status, ethnicity, city of birth, political party affiliation, gender etc.
The last few months have been hugely unstable.
When we don’t have reasonable expectations of what is going to happen next, there is an extra level of stress added to our energetic workload: the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response is amplified. We are not supposed to live in a constant state of fight-flight – it is exhausting and slows us down, not to mention it reduces our immune function, and impacts our digestion, concentration, and sleep.
To compound this uncertainty, it has in many cases created loss: jobs, relationships, local and beloved restaurants and stores and the usual concomitant ritual of transition.
This is ambiguous loss.
This is the kind of loss that occurs without closure or clear understanding, such as when someone you have been communicating with ghosts you, and you don’t know whether it’s because they found a better option or you offended them somehow.
The thing about ambiguity is that you create potential answers or play our scenarios of things that you would like to say or do, as you try to create clarity and understanding. And, my friend, this slows down your grieving and complicates the healing process.
Here are a number of important tools you can employ.
- Meditate – it boosts immune function, literally changing your DNA and it teaches you to pause between an emotion and a reaction
- Move – emotions are energy in motion e-motion. Letting the emotions stagnate in your body, and then constantly re-visiting them creates a habit of reaction. Go for a walk, dance, bike – allow the energy to flow
- Journal to process the experience. I like a technique called DIALOG where you identify the person you would like to communicate with, who played a significant role in your experience of ambiguous loss or uncertainty as a way of navigating your feelings.
Here’s a quick summary of Dialog:
- Grab a notebook and pen and set it next to you.
- Close your eyes & ground. Allow a soothing place in nature to open up in front of you and start to walk along the path that emerges.
- Notice someone walking towards you – this is the person who you did not have a resolved interaction with (note – the person can be living or dead).
- Open your eyes, and take your notebook and have a conversation with this person:
- Your initial: “…..”
- Their initial: “…..”
- You are literally writing out a conversation with this person.
- When you are finished read through and write a summary statement with any observations.
You can release this into the universe – by burning the piece of paper. You can use your revelations to reach out to them, if that feels good, or you can do some more journaling about what you concluded.
If you do this – let me know what you discovered about yourself!
