David Wood has always been interested in how things are put together and how they work. He excelled in school and was very systems oriented, but his social skills such as, intimacy, vulnerability and authenticity were lacking.
He found that the old adage, ‘You just don’t know, what you don’t know’ was true for him.
“The first 25 years of my life were about money, systems, and business. The second half of my life has been more about the system of being human. I tell my business clients, if all you want is increased sales and more money, you should go to someone else. I want to know what makes them tick and what makes them happy. When my client is on his deathbed, I want him to say, I gave it everything and really lived my life to the fullest.”
A former Consulting Actuary to Fortune 100 companies, David left his cushy Park Avenue job 20 years ago to build the world’s largest coaching business. He became #1 on Google for “life coaching,” serving an audience of 150,000 coaches, and coaching thousands of hours across 12 countries.
David coaches’ business owners, executives, and teams, to produce extraordinary results through authentic, transparent communication.
He was elected to the exclusive Transformational Leadership Council alongside such thought leaders as Jack Canfield, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Marianne Williamson.
David has appeared on over 200 shows and podcasts, plus helps business owners and other individuals solve issues and become more successful. His approach supports people so they can understand the issues behind their actions and find solutions, that work, to make them better humans.
David found that over the years he had to learn to lead himself before he could successfully lead others. To do that he had to identify and name the things that bothered him. We’ve all heard of the saying “there’s an elephant in the room.” David discovered there’s another animal in the room too – something a person is afraid to talk about, or address. In his newly released book, Mouse in the Room, he calls these mice.
“An example of a mouse could be, you are late to a meeting, and you are embarrassed. You are wondering if the other people are annoyed with you for being late. You first must learn to lead yourself and ask, what are you actually feeling, what do you want and don’t want. That is a leadership move and takes courage to look that deep inside.”
In his book, Mouse in the Room, David identified eight different types of mice that could be in the room when you are communicating with another. He shared three that are the most common for entrepreneurs to experience, although we all probably face all eight at one time or another.
The first discussed was Desire Mouse.
Do you have a desire to lose weight, eat healthier, spend more time with family, or do you just tolerate the lack of success in those areas, because those goals are not important enough to make them a reality? Becoming aware of the things you really want is a win.
“If you are a business owner and someone is five minutes late to a meeting, but you want them to be five minutes early, that is a DESIRE Mouse.”
Increased revenues, more client retention, more upsells from your sales force, more qualified employees are all examples of DESIRE Mice.
Another mouse is the Toleration Mouse.
We fail to make our Desires a reality because we tolerate less than what we really want. The business owner TOLERATES an employee being late. He accepts less than desirable sales numbers and hires employees that are less than what he hoped for.
A third mouse is the Story-telling Mouse.
This mouse shows itself when we tell ourselves, and maybe the rest of the world, a story to justify, or explain, what is really happening. We’re telling ourselves stories all of the time; the problem is we think of our stories as reality.
When we accept less than desirable results, do we create a story in our imagination to justify less than successful results?
“Here’s an example of the Story Telling Mouse: a person you work with seems to be standoffish and does not seem to want to interact with you. You create a story that you have done something to alienate and offend that person, but you really don’t know for sure.”
The best way to solve this issue is to approach the person, strike up a conversation and ask if there is something that you have done to alienate him and tell him, or her that you would like to apologize for any past issue, if there was one.
When you have identified a mouse, you can use David’s 3-D Process to further analyze the impact of that mouse on yourself and the relationship and decide what action to take. He has a free 3-D Process worksheet that can be found at www.mouseintheroom.com.
The 3-D Process
The first D stands for Discover.
The worksheet helps you discover what is really going on. In this step we get clear on our feelings and motivations around a mouse. If someone is continuously late and it bothers you, what is really the issue? You may feel disrespected because the person, who is late does not value your time and effort. During the discover stage you also put yourself in their shoes – what might be happening for them to cause the action that triggered your mouse. Maybe they were busy and really want to meet, but just couldn’t be on time.
The second D stands for Decide.
In this part of the process, you decide whether this mouse is worth naming or not. Are you willing to accept the consequences of what might happen to your relationship by bringing the mouse up to the other person. Is the risk worth it for the possible upside. Once you have identified the problem a decision must be made to reengage that person, resolve the issue, or write them off.
The final D is Disarm.
If you’ve decided to name the mouse, this stage is about setting the scene for your mouse to be received in the best possible light. Even though you may be irritated that the lateness issue wastes your time and shows disrespect, rather than a direct confrontation with the person, begin a conversation by sharing your positive intent, explaining why you want to discuss it and get their consent. Once they agree to the conversation, you name the mouse.
This method disarms the person, and your empathy becomes a positive way to start the conversation and find a way to help resolve their lateness issue.
David also believes in the power of video communication. When someone, a business associate, or potential client can see you on video your message becomes much more powerful and memorable.
“Video is a much better method of communication. The audience can see and feel your positive energy coming through the screen. It becomes much more believable.”
Mouse naming is a simple, repeatable approach for conflict resolution, tough conversations, badass leadership, more influence, thriving teams, deep connection, being truly seen, and real confidence. By naming the mice in the room, we are able to share our true feelings, thoughts and body sensations, of which the other person may have no clue, resulting in more authentic relationships.
If you would like to download the worksheet, learn more about David and his book, “Mouse in the Room,” visit www.mouseintheroom.com.
There’s a link in the menu at www.mouseintheroom.com to apply for coaching with David. He does a free session first just to see if coaching is actually going to be right for you.
We enjoyed our conversation with David, he gave so many more examples that we could include here, so go to YouTube or iTunes to experience the entire conversation.
