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A new report released by researchers from
Harvard and Wharton Business School found that,
though many people are afraid to ask for advice
or support and risk looking incompetent they’ve
actually got it backwards! People who seek advice
or support are likely to be thought of as MORE
COMPETENT, at least by the people they’re asking.
And yet, we often insist on doing it alone? “Doing
It Alone” is simply not getting the help or support
we need. The definition in the dictionary for
the words “help” and “support” are very similar:
“Give assistance to, lend a hand, or providing
encouragement”. However, our brains process
each of these two words quite differently.
Most of us share themyth that if we accept “help” we -
• diminish our achievements,
• don’t deservepraise for our accomplishments,
• need a crutch.
Have you ever heard yourself say:
• “Everyone’s too busy to help me right now
anyway.”
• “If you want a job done right, do it yourself’.”
• “Asking for help will make me look stupid or
incompetent.”
Replace the word “Help” with “Support”. We now
know that by seeking support we’re likely to be
thought of as more competent (Researchers at
both Harvard and Wharton can’t be wrong!).
Here’s a definition of support for you to consider:
“Support is to be actively interested in and
concerned for the success of others.”
We usually know how to give support. Are we
willing to actively seek it?
A colleague recently told me that she vividly
remembers the moment she woke up to the fact
that she wasn’t letting support into her life. She
was carrying her easel, her flip chart, a briefcase
and purse headed to do a workshop and this
gentleman offered to open the door for her. She
said, “Oh, that’s ok, I’ve got it.” At that moment a
lightbulb went off! She saw where she had not
been letting others support her in most aspects of
her life. She said to me – “I don’t do that anymore!”
In life we need support to move forward when
our doubts and worries are getting in our way of
progress. This requires that we locate people from
whomwe arewilling to seek encouragement. We are
generously allowing this person tomake a significant
contribution in our life. By working together, both
benefit. This mutual support amplifies our own
natural courage, faith, confidence and competence.
You don’t have to do it alone! Here are 3 simple
steps you can take to become masterful at giving
and receiving support.
1. Lookatsupportfromthe“Givers”perspective.
Begin to see the value to the other person of
asking them for their support.
2. Seek out opportunities to access other’s
expertise.
Begin to notice the resources and
opportunities that are all around you!
3. When someone offers you support, accept
it!
Even if you know you can do it yourself, that’s
not always the point. It’s often about making a
connection with a fellow human being.
Margaret Wheatly, American writer and
management consultant, sums it up in this way:
The One Sure Way
to Look Totally
Competent!
By Joan Washburn
SOAR TO SUCCESS
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NOV. 2015
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Personal Growth Strategies