Recently I was asked to coach a person who was in between jobs. “Job loss” ranks #5 of the top stressors in life. Typically when in this situation brain fog rolls in and you have no idea what you want to do next.
He began the conversation with why finding a new job was going to be such a “struggle”. There were so many “obstacles” in the way. Next was a list of the things he “really hated” to do. He was “overwhelmed”. His chest was tight, and he dreaded the challenge. The heaviness was palpable.
It brought to mind a time when I was a studying at the Academy for Coaching Excellence and in a huge career transition of my own. I was talking with my mentor coach about how I was worried that my life would be limited by a responsibility I had in caring for a developmentally delayed brother. She suggested I replace the word “responsibility” with the word “privilege” and asked what I experienced when I did. The change was instant. All the heaviness, worry and doubt the word “responsibility” implies completely dissipated. It freed me up to think more clearly and make a decision based on the vision of a life I would love to live, instead of a decision out of fear, doubt and worry. This was the first time I literally experienced the life-altering impact a simple word can make.
So, here’s the coaching question –
What if you replaced the work “Struggle” with “Opportunity”?
Trade the word “Obstacles” with “Life lessons on this leg of my life’s journey”?
What would it be like to substitute the list of things you really “hated” with a vision of what you would “love” to do?
OK, 3 questions, but you get the idea.
When he made this simple shift in language, he immediately felt a weight lift off his shoulders. There was still work to be done, but now there was a bright light at the end of the tunnel. He was able to take action toward a job he would enjoy and completely dedicate himself to with ease, instead of a lot of stress and struggle. The paralyzing overwhelm was gone and he began making a list of the next steps he would take with excitement instead of dread.
As importantly, he is much more conscious of his language. He knows that a simple word change can help him move forward toward where he would love to be, with ease. Maybe that is one of the life lessons he was meant to learn on this leg of his life’s journey.
