Recently I had to make a decision about something rather big. I was “stuck”. Being a life coach I knew that feeling “stuck” was a symptom of Monkey Mind. Monkey Mind describes the inner dialogue we all experience that is full of criticism, judgments, self-doubt, and “what ifs.” It was getting me nowhere.
I decided to speak with a friend who knew me and the entire situation well. It certainly helped that she is a masterful life coach. As I talked through the situation, an option became clear to me that I had not even thought of. It was the perfect answer to the decision at this point of time in my life. I felt tremendous relief right away and was excited to move forward on something that was extremely important to me.
The whole situation reminded me of the immense value of talking with someone who knows how to listen at what Otto Scharmer calls “Level 4 – listening to a person’s current struggles while seeing their highest level of future possibilities”. Sounds heavy, I know. Here’s a brief explanation.
Otto Scharmer’s 4 Levels of Listening are a simple, positive way to help you get better at listening. The four levels are:
Level 1 – Downloading – At this level of listening all we are doing is looking for information to confirm what we already know or expect.
Level 2 – Factual – At this level we’re no longer just listening for the things we already know. Instead, we’re focused on learning the facts we don’t already know. We’re focused, inquiring and paying attention to the content of the conversation.
Level 3 – Empathic – By the time we reach Level 3 we are starting to connect with the person we are speaking to, not just the facts they bring. We’re moving beyond black and white statements, and starting to explore nuance, feelings and emotions related to them.
Level 4 – Generative – At Level 4 the listener moves beyond connecting with the speaker. They start to connect with the core ideas of the conversation and their potential futures. They are fully focused on helping to bring the best possible future into being, and their ego and any other barriers they normally carry are dropped.
When speakers and listeners can align like this, in such a safe, optimistic, forward looking way, great things can be imagined. It’s possible to generate new ideas, and to find the energy and enthusiasm to start to bring them into reality.
A masterful life coach will always strive to listen at Level 4. By doing this my friend was able to help me see a great option I had not yet considered as well as the next step I needed to take to make my dream a reality.
