Caregiving is universally considered the greatest act of love, but it could wreck your life if you do not apply practical strategies for communicating your needs, being heard, retaining the appropriate professional services, staying sane and finding balance in your role as a family caregiver.
Most of us have a difficult time talking to our aging loved ones about the complex topic of “aging and independence”. The problem is that our parents don’t want to hear things that remind them that they are losing their independence. They think that they are doing just fine and do not appreciate the interference of their children and/or the professionals that their children have hired to help.
Good advice can be great but it makes a difference who gives it and when it is given. The way you approach your loved ones about your concerns can have a tremendous impact on how receptive they are.
By following these guidelines when expressing your concerns, your chances of being heard will be increased.
Know your reason for raising your concerns. Here are a few questions to ask yourself.
- Do you want to discuss an issue, or do you want mom and dad to do what you think needs to be done?
- Are you acting out of concern or out of self-interest?
- Do you want mom and dad to make a change because it will enhance their independence or because it will make you worry less?
- Do your parents have specific challenges or have there been incidences that warrant change? Or, are you concerned simply because of their age?
IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS, consider a coaching session with a care manager or take advantage of the free online courses available at www.ElderCareandCaregivingNetwork.com.
Your parents will listen to you if you express your concerns in terms of your feelings rather than as though your parents have problems.
When you talk to your parents in ‘I’ statements, you communicate concern and caring. When you talk to them in “you” statements, your messages sound accusatory and dictatorial.
For example, instead of saying:
“Dad, you are too old to be climbing a ladder and cleaning the gutters. You ought to hire someone to do it.”
Try saying it this way:
“Dad, I really worry when you are up on the ladder and no one is around. I am worried that you might fall and hurt yourself and no one will be available to call 911.”
For assistance with all of your caregiving needs at home and at work, please email to Stella@StellaNsong.com or call 855-942-9933 for a free consultation.
