I’m not talking about dishes in the sink, socks left on the floor, or someone forgetting to take the dog out and he has an accident. Yes, these are irritations. The expression, getting under your skin, no doubt alludes to burrowing or stinging insects that cause itching or similar skin irritations. [A definition I found from the late 1800s]. Ouch!
However, when an individual triggers a genuine uncontrolled physical reaction in you, and not in a good way, it can have lasting effects. Worse, the feeling persists, and the negativity infiltrates your body like some kind of virus and completely ruins your day.
To allow something to get under your skin negatively affects us physically as well as mentally. A comment made intentionally or even in jest, radiates negative energy. You might recognize the physical reactions: heart pounding, heightened energy, difficulty thinking clearly or tensing of muscles.
Years ago, I attended a breakout session on this very topic during an annual sales conference. The presenter, a psychologist, stated that when we are truly self-aware, we are able to recognize in the moment that something has triggered an emotion and we are able to step back and choose how to respond. Your first impulse may be to strike back verbally because our brain perceives what was said to be an attack or threat.
When I worked in retail banking, it wasn’t unusual for me to work on Saturdays. This was the worst day of my week because customers came in with the most challenging problems. I quickly learned that if I was going to survive working there so I could get promoted and move on, it required me to replace any negativity (rude comments, raised voices, impatience) with a place of calm self-awareness, rather than emotional reaction. It also helped to be compassionate, even when the customers weren’t kind. I often put myself in the shoes of the customer so I could get to the root of the actual issue. More times than not, it wasn’t the financial transaction that triggered bad behavior. If they raised their voice, I’d lower mine requiring them to lean in to listen. By applying self-awareness in the heat of the moment resulted in responding thoughtfully rather than overreacting. It was a brilliant strategy that helped get me promoted.
Here are a few tips to help avoid people getting under your skin:
- Acknowledge or at least become more aware of what your hair triggers are.
- Take a deep breath, in fact, take two deep breaths before your respond or react.
- Try to distance yourself, if possible, from the agitation.
- Write down what got under your skin and the behavior exhibited.
- Is there anything that can be learned to bring about new possibilities and better relationship dynamics?
- Put yourself in the other persons shoes, at least for a moment.
The way you treat other people is how they will most often treat you too in the long run.
