I have to admit I am a bit of a perfectionist. I fight it, but the urge seems to creep up on me, especially when it’s something really important, or I just think it is. Unfortunately, it often leads to another state of being I’m not especially proud of – being a “control freak”, the need to do it all myself. The more important something is, the more difficult it is for me to hand it over to someone else or even ask for help. Pretty soon I am stressed to the max and completely overwhelmed. Sound familiar? My clients get it. As the old saying goes “it takes one to know one”.
In my book, You’re Busy, I Get It, I have a chapter dedicated to the “Dangers of Perfectionism”. While researching the topic I found that perfectionism correlates with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and other mental health problems. In my experience there are degrees. Some do suffer these severe symptoms. Others are just enough of a perfectionist that they never enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done as their work is never quite good enough to get out there. There are way too many almost completed projects.
Another symptom that seems to be present in all my perfectionist clients is that they are highly critical, mostly of themselves. Even the most accomplished perfectionist only sees their flaws. They are very hard on themselves.
A woman I am fortunate to call my friend personifies the Life’s Intention of being a Creator of Beauty. She often points out to me the loveliness of something that is imperfect. She sees the uniqueness in all things and can highlight them in a way that even brings out the imperfection.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were that way with people in our lives? I have a brother who is developmentally delayed. I could write a book about his funny sayings and idiosyncrasies that our family loves about him. We actually have a special word for them – “Joe-isms”. He is not perfect, but he is very special. We would not trade him for the world just the way he is.
When you are focused on everything being perfect you inevitably will miss something really important, beautiful or just downright fun and silly that is right in front of you because it wasn’t perfect. And truthfully, who or what is?
Over time I have learned, and helped others see, that perfectionism robs us of true joy. I often remind them and myself of a favorite quote by Rebecca Wells, in The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder – “Good enough is good enough. Perfect will make you a big fat mess every time.”
